To Apricot

A Demo by Chef Michael Laiskonis

It has been a while since I left my job. I have been a freelancer since then.
One thing that I miss a lot is making pastry whole day in a professional kitchen.  I liked buttery smell of my hands when I go home. I enjoyed most part of my job.

Today, luckily I didn't have a special plan to do, I could attend a demo by chef Micheal Laiskonis of Le Bernadin at FCI. As I mention before I respect him so much...

I remember last time I took his class was at ICE, and I have to register two month in advance. This time, since I am alumni of FCI, I could just walk in, and free!!

The demo was about MILK. He taught us very basic knowledge of milk from how to use milk as a ingredients to hi-end restaurant's menu. He made cultured butter,ricotta cheese, ice cream.... etc..... Off course there were a lot of tasting! I feel like he gave us the most compare to other demos that I have attended before. Needless to say, everything tasted great.

Here is some of the desserts he made today.

Different taste

I like to bring some sweets if I got invited to party. Since my job is making pastry, I usually make something by myself. Sometime, I bake things that I know I like. Or I try to use new recipe that I haven't tried that looks good.

The other day I baked a clafouti to a party. I used the recipe of a chef whom I respect. I have tried couple different his desserts from his book before, and they were good. Since the chef was Japanese, most of the time pastry was less sweet than European chefs.

The clafouti came out nice. Since I was baking a whole one, I couldn't taste it until when we actually sliced it at the party. (but most of time you can tell when you are making it if it will be good or not, right???)

I always kind of watch people if they are enjoying the dessert I brought. (I know that it is not my job anymore if they like it or not, but I can't help...) So, the day I was watching people, 95% of people gave me positive response right away, but rest of 5% or I should say a guy was taking too long to say a word. I know that everybody has different taste. We don't all like the same thing, but if I have to see that in front of me, that hurts.....

I was talking that feeling to my husband, and he was also talking about the same guy who didn't say anything for a while that day. Further more, my husband confessed me that the other day he was watching people when I brought my cake to a party, one lady actually whispered to her friend very negative comment about my cake while 99% of people loved the cake.

I understand that letting people try my work (pastry) is like showing your painting to people if you were a painter. People have different opinions whether good or bad. You have to be ready to confront them.

I think my next step is to accept both positive and negative opinion, and learn from there. I guess sometime I am too sensitive.

Where am I going...

I used to be very strict about my self.
I don't allow myself to do things that I am not happy with. I always thought that it is better to change the job if you are complaining everyday when you go home. I thought it is waste of time.
I was even strict about other people sometime, like my husband. If I asked him how his day was, I didn't like hearing "OK...." nor " So so....". I always wanted to hear details and at least a thing that made him happy.

How about me now...? I am complaining a lot everyday. I have nothing to say when my husband asks me about my day. Maybe " OK " or " so so" . I know I need a change, but I don't know where to go...

Since I was a little girl, I had practiced a thing every day for more than 15 years. Since I quit that, I have been kind of not be able to decide what my next project is.
I have tried couple different things past 10 years. Then finally " Pastry " is the thing that I want to pursue next.

But, now I am in the middle of dark. I don't see any path to take me to the end.... I am worry which direction I am taking... It is Pastry, but which kind? Wedding cakes? Fine plated desserts? Owning a cafe? Being in a restaurant business? Food styling?

One day I was talking to my husband how I feel, and he said that as long as I stay something to do with food, I am on the right truck. That made me feel so much better.

Maybe I was lucky to do a thing for more than 15 years when I was a child.

I know I have a lot more to learn and experience no matter what I do.
Only what I can do is being myself and keep trying!!